"Red Sox Nation-NYC, We Have a Problem"

"Houston, we have a problem" or so it went in the "Apollo 13" movie:

This is not space related;
Rather(Not Dan), The Red Sox are playing The Seattle Mariners & the Game is on FOX @ 4:05PM, ET, with Thom Brenamann & Steve Lyons, serving as Hosts;

We, in The 5 Boroughs, as well as 49% of This Land of Ours, will be watching The Defending NL Champion Houston Astros & The NY Mets @ 1:20PM;

It isn't so much the teams involved(The Mets are my NL Team & something from my childhood is being held on to, like a Teddy Bear or Wally Doll), but just who's doing this match for FOX;

There will be much "Verbal Flatulence" during the game;
There will be some "Verbal Fellatio", especially if the names of Derek Sanderson Jeter, Alex Emmanuel Rodriguez & Mariano Rivera, are mentioned, even though they have absolutely NOTHING to do with this game;

Some Blonde-Streaked Sarcastic Asshat will do Play-By-Play;
Someone with a Bad Dye Job will be Lead Baseball Analyst, with the emphasis being on Banal & Anal;

Grown men will openly weep in the streets, while wee children will wail like banshees, upon listening to some nonsensical utterance by the Lead Baseball Analyst;

Web Sites will appear, calling for the sheer annihilation of both, the Blonde-Streaked Sarcastic Asshat & The Lead Baseball Analyst, who will both be wrong over 50% of the time, today, as is usually the norm;

Tomorrow, I'll be at Shea Stadium, for Astros-Mets, followed by a sojurn to Manhattan, to watch Red Sox-Mariners, so not all is lost in this weekend &, as we all hope, the NY Yankees will continue to suck & fall behind Toronto.

Thanks!